Treading Water

True to form, I can't seem to make myself be happy with how my manuscript reads.  I don't know what it is about it, but it just seems off to me (probably since I have read it more than any sane person ever would).

I don't know why I always do this, but just as I start to get excited about my writing I read something online, or in a magazine, that knocks me down a peg.  I'll admit that sometimes it doesn't even have to be an article, but merely a title like, "Many Lit. Agents Don't Accept New Writers".  Articles and headlines like those are being seen more and more, and in a profession that is already riddled with doubt and rejection seem to diminish writing as a whole because it discourages writers from entering the profession.  Why be negative about your own profession especially in uncertain times when your outlook could determine your livelihood?


Because of these articles and bullshit ideas, my writing doesn't have the voice I want it to.  It's close, I'll give myself that, but it misses the mark by just a bit.  Because there is so much content out there focused on how to get published, what to avoid, what agents are looking for, what you must to do get noticed, I have let it (and I suspect others have, too) impact my writing

I'm so concerned with what agents/publishers may be looking for, I have left certain things out of my writing.  No, scratch that, I haven't left things out, but I have definitely phrased things differently to seem less harsh, and in doing so I think I have lost some of the voice that my manuscript's 1st draft used.  To fix this, I have started looking for a freelance editor, because voice is a bigger issue later in my work, once I became concerned with getting published, than in the beginning when I was writing for myself.

That is what is at the root of why I don't love Out of Arms Reach.  At some point, I suspect right around chapter 10, I started thinking I could be published and I changed the way my book felt, if that makes any sense at all.  I didn't lose my voice altogether, but the thought of the potential readers seeing my work changed it, to be sure.

The best writers in history didn't really care what people thought of their work.  "I didn't think anyone would ever actually read it," is often a theme in author interviews (the successful ones anyway).  They approached writing with an attitude of "I don't give a shit if you like it" and I think that is something to be respected.  To have such faith and confidence in your ability is something that is rare these days, and something I am still searching for.

Hopefully I can come back to you soon, having found it.

Cheers,

Ben